Dear 20-something white dood eating Chinese food,

DON’T ASK FOR CHOPSTICKS! Why the fuck do you want to fumble around with two sticks while your trying to get your MSG on? We’ve had forks for quite some fucking time now. Forks are waaaaay above chopsticks on the cutlery evolution totem pole, and just under sporks. Using chopsticks instead of a fork doesn’t make you look more cultured. It makes you look like a dick head. A dickhead I wanna knife in the face!
‘Hey when there aren’t any forks around I’ll know how to use two sticks to pick up my food.’
WHAT!? That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard in my entire life! When there aren’t any forks around? When the fuck is that? When you go camping? You’re supposed to be roughing it while camping. Eat that shit with your hands you nancy!
Admit it. You think it looks cool. It doesn’t. You look like those fucking assholes on public transit wearing glasses reading a novel while cross-legged.
The only time purposefully being inconvenienced is o.k. is if it’s cool. High heels, chaos spikes, fixed gear bikes, etc.
Use a fork.

Bike Riding Advice for Pussies

If you're going to be such a little fucking scared pussy and not ride your bike in the street with the big scary cars then don't ride a bike at all. Sidewalks are for walking, sleeping, and pissing on. Not riding your bike on. Suck it up and ride that shit in the street. You're making us all look like a bunch of beach cruiser riding nancies.