Tickle My Vagina

What the hell Majela? You could have just politely asked me to get rid of the beard in private. You didn't have to go public with the issue and make a fool of me on youtube.

We All The Wold

Really dudes? You spend the time to get in black face and redo your bone structure to look like Guy Ritchie, but you're too fucking stubborn to learn your R's? Thanks for half-assing it.

Via Theo Crotti

Oh, I’m the weird one because my parents decided against mutilating my dick. Yeah that makes sense.

Barbaric medical practices no longer in use-
Cranial Trephination Check
Bloodletting Check
Treating Hemorrhoids with Hot Irons Check
Cutting Baby Cocks Not Quite

In Africa they wait till you’re a teenager, then they throw a crazy party where the whole village gets together and knifes your weiner. But that’s just to make sure you’re brave enough to be a child soldier, fight lions, eat human meat, and get adopted by a celebrity. Cus if there’s anything scarier than that shit, it’s having an entire village take your dick to the butcher block.
But here we can’t wait to wipe the birth juice off the motherfucker before cutting his willy.

Hey baby, welcome to the planet earth. We’ve cured polio, mastered nuclear fusion, harnessed the power of the wind, walked on the moon, and like to cut babies’ dinks.

Why the fuck do we still do this shit?
Cleanliness
Really dude? Do you not take showers? Washing your cock and balls should be part of your daily routine, you grimy bastard. I don’t care if you’re cut or not, if you don’t clean that shit on the reg you’re gonna get dick-zits.

STDs
What the fuck? Putting a rubber on is too difficult? You’d rather take a knife to your prick than spending .5 seconds before getting your freak on? I’m too lazy to get out of bed to pee, but you’re taking laziness to a whole new level.

To Fit In
Of all the reasons to have ‘minor’ dick surgery this is the weirdest one. What are you doing? Comparing dicks with your bros? Sounds more like a gay movie plot than reality. The only time your flaccid member should be exposed in the same room as other bare cocks is in a group shower. And those are just for jocks and the weirdos at the YMCA. And if you’re either one of those types of people then you should probably have gotten your entire cock cut off.

Skull fuck Muni? Skull Fuck teachers who bring their field-trips on Muni.

How can somebody responsible for educating our youth be so fucking retarded? What the fuck are you thinking, taking 30 loud little nose-picking walking shit-stains on Muni? I thought teachers were supposed to be smart. If you don't have enough chaperones to transport the little fuckers by car, then you don't have enough chaperones to make sure one of them doesn't end up at the bottom of the bay. Consider this a warning and a promise. Next time you bring your "little bumblebees," or whatever gay little nickname you've given your 3rd grade class, on Muni I'm going to abduct one of the bastards and murder the shit out of em.

The Examiner- Know a pregnant smoker who's planning to quit the instant she gives birth? Speed-dial her and say, "Not soon enough!" A study of 8- to 16-year-olds shows that kids exposed to smoke in the womb are six times more likely to have asthma than children of nonsmokers. And smoking is now tied to between 5 percent and 8 percent of premature births.
If you didn't quit before you were pregnant, don't waste energy feeling guilty. Quit now!!! And don't let anyone smoke near you or your kids. Just so you're clear, here are the dangers of secondhand smoke: New research shows that 23 percent to 34 percent of deaths caused by Sudden Infant Death Syndrome could have been prevented if the mothers had quit. Kids inhaling secondhand smoke are more vulnerable to lung and ear infections; school-age children have more behavior problems; and those with asthma are twice as likely to miss school.

What is this, 1950? How the fuck do you not already know that smoking 'cancer sticks' is bad for your baby? The idea that smoking is bad for you and anything around you is older than me. What's worse than smoking while you've got a bun in the oven, is contributing to the gene pool while being retarded enough to not know that pregos shouldn't smoke. Here's a fucking idea. Don't bother trying to quit smoking. Do yourself, your bouncing bundle of cancer, and the rest of mankind a favor and throw yourself off the Golden Gate Bridge.

Happy 4th of July

Pride Week was as predictable and boring as Sex & The City 2

Do gays not give a shit about anything but attention? I mean what the fuck is the point of the pride parade? It sure as hell isn’t to change normal folks perception of them. If anything it just reinforces stereotypes. Like roller-skating down Market Street with nothing on but a rainbow cape, pulling your partner behind you on a leash doesn’t really get normies jazzed about you being able to adopt children and get married with health benefits. I understand the whole ‘we’re here, we’re queer, get over it’ thing and more power to you. But what might be more surprising to conservative Joe and effective to your cause is if you wore street/work clothes in the parade. If you just want to have a gay old time (pun intended) and throw a big party, then fine. But if you really wanted to surprise some closed minded assholes and get them to rethink their stance on gay rights, you might want to tone it down a smidge. I mean what would you rather regular folk walk away thinking?
Whelp, the gays are at it again.
or
Oh shit. My proctologist is gay? Learn something new everyday.
You know what? On second thought, just keep partying and being fabulous.